:)

I feel absolutely worthless right now, it's like, ridiculous. I'm sitting here, and everybody's problems are so...well...bigger, or whatever, than mine. no, wait, let me rephrase that. Everyone around me has their own sort of trouble, which I'm there to lend a hand and an ear to listen to. And yet, I can't do that. I've probably said it a lot already, but i can't help it, it's a recurring thing with me. I'm stuck in a place where i have to watch what i say around certain people due to the fear of eavesdroppers. I have to act a certain way because I have to. I have absolutely NO money whatsoever. Hell, i don't even know what to say anymore. I'm a miserable person. I've come to realize that in the past few days. It seems to me like, i can never be happy. i'm like pavlov's dog. i've been trained to be unhappy at the sound of whatever trigger i've been trained for. it's friggin weird. But I am. At the oficina, people are beginning to see the not so happy side of me. It's very strange. But i cover it well. The scumbags need to go. (And i don't mean my loving whore scumbag, erika, who imentioned in a diff. entry lol). The scumbags, those who I and only I will know who they are, need to go. They are doing nothing but...well..nothing. And i'm sick and tired of it. OH, and why is one person with that other person? the one with the thing and the thing that did that thing with the other person and the thing was thingy about it? I see nothing good coming out of that. I'm an insanely jealous person, methinks. I am so jealous of everyone else around me, well, for the most part. I have the smart people, the funny people, the people in relationships, the cool ones, the ones that get along with everyone. And then there's me. Sitting here, watching the world turn and seeing everyone and going out of my way to help absolutely anyone that I can. And i mean that seriously. i think i should prob. work for triton, i mean, everyone comes up to me and asks me shit about it anyways. Goddamn. I cried tonight. I just went into my room and cried for about 8 minutes. I can't take it anymore. I can't make anyone happy at all. I just sit here, like a rock in the middle of a sea of people, with no effect whatsoever, except that people use me as a doormat or for whatever they need done. and no, i don't mean anyone in specific. I just feel that i'm getting taken advantage of, and not in the way that i'd like to be taken advantage of lol. it's weird. Thank you Erika for calling me last weekend, it meant a lot to me that you know what i'm talking about, and that you care enough for me to at least call me. I'm sorry if i've been bitchy lately, i have a lot of things in my mind, but regardless, i love ya. :) You're an amazing person, and i will teach you to reply on here. Caraleigh, to be honest, you were the last person I expected to reply on here. Thank you so much for your caring words, they made me want to cry. I don't know if you check here regurarly, but either way, i must thank you next time I see you. You really are a great person, and I'm glad that you read what I wrote, I hope that we can become closer, even though you will be going to georgetown soon (shut up bitch, you know you're getting in, and I know you're getting in, and i'll be happy for you no matter what), but regardless, you are an awesome person. And no matter what, we will always have that night in the hotel room in springfield with you, me, lori...and that special group. :) you know what I mean. Any readers that I may have here, regardless of who they are. Drop me a line here. I'd like to know you guys. maybe chat once. I'm just...well...lonely. as sad as it seems, i just need someone to hold me. seriously.